Honestly,I've never felt this bad in my life. I'm talking specifically on the academic site.

When I was in kindergarten, I was one of the brightest there. This can be proven by how I was given the chance to become the emcee for my final concert when I was 6. They usually give people who are bright enough to become the emcee (that was what I assumed). I still remember when I saw the emcee text,there was this word "opportunity". I was like WOW,this is a BIG word! I didn't understand the meaning back then. I think the principal did explain the meaning to me. But I didn't really remember. But today, that word plays a major role in what I've become.

I was kinda smart throughout standard 1-3. Usually I'll end up being in the top 10 in the class. But I wasn't in the top 3 that often coz there was this Chinese girl who always gets first in class. I was really jealous of her. I wondered what it will feel like to get first in class all the time.

I took PTS when I was in standard 3. I don't know what happened, but I don't really remember taking the exam. Coz I think I answered only 10 questions and fell asleep in during the exam. I woke up 5 minutes before the exam ends, and started circling whatever answers I thought was right. There were around 40 or 30 questions. So as expected, I didn't pass PTS,the chinese girl did. But this was the point of my life where people say, "failure is the beginning to a journey of success".

I got first place for every single exam from standard 4 till standard 6. No less than that.(except for the last final for standard 6 coz they did an exam for kajian tempatan after UPSR and I didn't study after UPSR) I wondered how that happened. I was so damn happy. Well, I wasn't that happy. I was scared that one day I would fall and I would feel really2 bad. If I didn't flunk PTS, I would've been in the shadow of the Chinese girl for my entire Primary School. So yeah, this was one of the opportunity that I was given to shine. One of the moments in life I would never forget. All my friends would go, "wah,tu lah Azim budak pandai tu" . They would even go up to my mum and ask how I studied etc.haha.Funny right? How I missed all those moments. Before UPSR exams, I would play games on the computer. I really wonder how I did it. I miss Azim Shahiran bin Safaruddin a lot.

The story above was how I got a place to be in an elite school, KYS. I never thought I would be in there. It was like a dream come true. Coz I was like a fat kid who's damn smart but not active at all. But I was given the OPPORTUNITY to be apart of that school. Again, I do believe strongly that I was given this opportunity coz I don't have a father. So people pity me and stuff. So yeah. I was in KYS. One of the most amazing moments in my life. Academically, I didn't do that well for form 1. Except for the first exam for form 1 where I got 14/60 I think. That was pretty awesome. In form 2 I did way better. I maintained to be in top 20 throughout the year (I think). But the peak moment in KYS was when I was in form 3. I got 5/60 for one of the exam. I was like,WOW!I'm not only smart in Penang, but also in MALAYSIA!hahahah. I was starting to think of Oxford/Harvard/Cambridge then.hahahhah. Yeah, so 8a's in PMR. not that suprised coz I did well throughout form 3. But form 4 and form 5 was like a total destruction. Life is like a circle, ur not always on the top. I didn't do that well throughout form 4 to form 5. The highest position I've got was 14/57. I don't know why. But I have a feeling coz I was bragging (a bit) when I was smart when I was in form 3. I don't know. I really don't know. There might be some other reason.mmm. Anyway, SPM was ok. 10A 1B. But not all of my A's were A1. And I got B for History;only 2 students in my school got B for History.I felt a bit dumb.

After applying for almost all scholarships except BNM, I got PETRONAS. I wasn't surprised that I got PETRONAS coz I think I did really well for the interview. And all the test and stuff. But I doubt that they would consider me coz my results for SPM wasn't that great. But again, I was given the opportunity to pursue my studies in something I never dreamt of doing; Geophysics. Oh, and I strongly believe that I was given this scholarship coz they have allocated a small number of places for people who are not so fortunate like me. So yeah. not that surprised.

Then we have KTJ. After what happened throughout f4 and f5, I didn't really expect to do well in KTJ. So throughout KTJ, I think I did well in most of my maths subjects. Somehow I realized that I have a strong passion for maths. Or just because it was easy. I don't know. When the results were out, I didn't really believe that I was able to meet Petronas's requirements. Seriously! I was like,WOW!Miracle! I thanked Allah a lot! Alhamdulillah. I was like, yeah!Now I can go overseas and see beatiful places and enjoy life a bit after studying for 14 years. I was totally WRONG!!

Now I'm here, in UBC, not Harvard or Cambridge,or Oxford that I dreamt of when I got 5th in the whole batch when I was in Form 3. From all the pressure that I've been having now, I can't imagine being in those places. Currently I'm on the bottom side of the circle. My results for midterms were bad. And I have to resit my LPI coz I got 4/6.(I need to get at least 5/6 to qualify for UBC's english courses) Nowadays I'm the dumb one in class. I can't finish my maths prep coz I don't understand what the question is asking. I'm so stressed up. When is the circle going to turn?

I'm not complaining with what I've gotten so far. My point here is just that when you're somewhere down below, you don't really realize that somehow you were on the top once and other people felt what you're feeling now. Knowing that I was once on top taught me that, " I was there, I can be there again". But it all depends on my effort. I really hope that the tables will turn sometime soon so that all this stress will be lifted of my shoulders. And I will work to make that happen. Opportunity comes and goes. It depends on how you make use of it to make it work.

I miss the Awesome Azim Shahiran bin Safaruddin = AASS x )